I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize