im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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