Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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