i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
