So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
