Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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