i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize