Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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