Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
