In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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