UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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