You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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