You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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