careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
