i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to sanitize my soul.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
