I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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