dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
