Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
