You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
