at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
