i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
