That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
