tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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