dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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