just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize