Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
