I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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