Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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