k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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