she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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