you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
