Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
