He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
