She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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