we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
