I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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