i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
