He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
