haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
