Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
