then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
