I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I did not marry a roomba.
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