Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
