I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
