i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
