We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
