its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
