I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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