break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
