Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
