that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Randomize
