did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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