were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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