This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
