can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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