there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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