I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
