did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
