The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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