direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
