i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
