I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
