Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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