Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
