I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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