you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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