Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
