If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
