im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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