see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
