he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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