So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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