Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
