you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
