he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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