We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
