She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
