I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
