At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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