I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize