Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
