this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
home. puking in laundry basket.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
