I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
