I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize