Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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