There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
