So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
