That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
