I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
