The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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