Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
