I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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