Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
