Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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