PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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