you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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