If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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