highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
