Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
third nipple confirmed
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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