that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize