I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
me + whiskey = a bad person
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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