you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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