this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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