I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
