I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize