K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
