i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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