After last night, I could never be a politician.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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