Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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