Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you never un-have a 4some
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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