I hate all girls vehemently.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
