Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sober January is a disaster.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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