Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
