I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
