You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
