Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
