Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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