Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
