is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
