the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize