doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
