Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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