I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
