I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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