I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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