hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
